A Rant

I forget, okay. I live in Portland, Oregon, where the majority of people are very concerned about the future of the planet and our ability to shift it toward health and equality for future generations. Where even most of those who don’t care at least acknowledge that there is something to care about.

And then there are people who I bump into on social networks. Who live wherever it is that they live and know whatever it is that they know and believe whatever it is that they believe. And that’s fine. I knew them from a past me long ago, or maybe I barely knew them at all and we just knew of each other in school or through friends, etc. And we became “friends” because human curiosity wants to be satisfied and we each wanted access to see how cute or uncute each other’s children may be. And how long we’ve been married (or not married) and where we live and where we ended up going to school and what job we have and what car we drive and any other little juicy tidbit that we use to make up a story in our head of how that person’s life must have been the last 15 years, and who they are now, and of course how they must be cooler than us or not as cool. And we do most of this unconsciously, but the stories and judgements remain; and so does the list of “friends” on our social network(s) of choice.

Social Networks on the internet are their own entity of surprise and variety, with their uses endless. There are people who feel that the more friends they have the better, for no apparent reason. There are some who constantly play apps and games and then post requests for others to join them so they can bring them an item they require to continue. There are those who market themselves, and/or their business, and use posts as an attempt to acquire customers or clients. There are those, like myself, who use them to spread ideas and share inspirations, affirmations, and intentions. There are some who are bored, and use peeking into other people’s lives and inserting a scrap of themselves as a way of escape, entertainment, or empowerment. There are people who hope to gain a relationship in real life, or sex in the real or cyberworld. And of course, everyone really creates their own unique combination of those above, mixed with countless others, as we find our way to connect with other humans in a disconnected matrix of pseudo-happiness. We individually use the internet each day to find the connection our heart yearns for, and that our culture has failed to provide in adequate measure.

I remember a time when I used the internet to argue. A lot. I would search out arguments in chat rooms and groups, hoping to find others up to par with my level of, what I considered then, a mere “conversation.” Looking back, during that time I was very lonely, but I was also very unsure. I had each foot in a different idea of the world, and I wasn’t comfortable where I stood. So I sought out people who would argue one side with me as I processed one foot, and then I’d somehow be attracting those to work-out the other foot the next week. Back and forth I’d go, sometimes spending months – or years – stuck in one foot, stuck in one idea, but still needing the arguing to help me make sense of why I wasn’t standing with my feet together yet. There was still something that resonated with me on the other side that I couldn’t explain away, so the foot lingered.

After a decade of studying metaphysics & quantum physics, history of cultures and religions other than our own & prehistory, anthropology, and maintaining a spiritual practice, I feel like my feet have finally met common ground. And, to go along with this, the energy of arguing has become too stressful and exhausting for me. My little ego gets all puffed up and ready with it’s facts and evidence, prepared for the fight it used to get often. Thankfully, I don’t live like that any more, so it is much easier to notice and then walk away both mentally and physically. I am, however, still human, so I tend to get in a few barks before I go – though now they are mostly from a firm stance of knowing my own Truth, and a passion for ensuring a free and beautiful future for my granchildren’s grandchildren.

One of my mentors often said, “I may push people’s buttons, but I didn’t install them!” This has helped me tremendously. Somehow, my whole life, wherever I go, what I believe to be True tends to push people’s buttons. Being raised around family and friends who couldn’t quite see the bigger picture behind my desire to boycott McDonald’s at age eight after finding about their practice of levelling rainforests, left me feeling a deep urge to argue my side and explain myself. I have had to release a lot of anger and work on this habit over the years. Science of Mind, Meditation, continuous self exploration and self-acceptance have assisted – and continue to assist – me greatly, as well as a lot of loving people in my life.

I guess that is why Portland has really grown on me. I have more of a chance of having a positive conversation about what people can do on individual and community levels to create a world that actually works for all beings (rather than a small percentage of humans), instead of an argument over anything being wrong with the way humans live at all. It is this argument that drains us; and it is our belief in an “other” that we must be right over that keeps us from focusing on the more important tasks at hand. I used to thrive on this argument and now I beg it to be over and for us to take responsibility for our own part in the messes of the world.

So I forget. I have a wonderfully busy life that distracts and fulfils me, and amazing, creative, spiritual, outside-the-box-thinking people all around me who accept my desire and passion to heal myself,  the earth, and those who live in it from the power-hungry culture that I have been raised by. I get comfortable in my city of awareness, in my Spiritual Community full of love and ease,  in my bubble of those who see what I have been saying all along: It Doesn’t Have To Be This Way.

And then someone from a social network jumps in asking that old part of me out to play – the part that thinks my job is to beg and plead with people so they will see the Truth. The part that believes that if I don’t show them the right articles or the right book or the right way we’re all doomed. The little ego part (again). And that is when I get to take a big breath, and graciously and gratefully remember what my job really is: to live the Truth.